Think about it. Newt Gingrich said during an interview with The Christian Broadcasting Network that he loved his country so much, it made him cheat not once, but twice, possibly more. Newt's patriotic penis, wrapped lovingly in a condom emblazoned with the American flag, standing at half mast, was responsible for his adultery. (Note: I have no idea if you can actually buy condoms with an American flag design, but given the right's penchant for putting the flag on everything from shirts to belt buckles to beer cozies, it would not surprise me in the very least.)
Newt Gingrich loves America so deeply and with such hot, fiery passion that he was unable to control himself. Folks, it wasn't his fault! Yes, he got himself into a few sticky situations, but being such a cunning linguist, he saved his reputation and his campaign for leader of the free world was never deflated. What caused the demise of Newt's campaign? Well, amazingly, he ran out of money, support and at some point last week, a reporter for Weekly World News, sorry, World Net Daily asked "Newt who?"
He tried, bless his heart. Newt tried to be nuts, he tried to say things that would rile the fringe. When he said Palestinians were not actually people, I thought he would be the Republican candidate. When he whined so emotionally about the make-believe war on religion, most of us who are still allowed to play with sharp objects believed he was a shoe in. He just didn't sell it.
As we wave goodbye to Newt, we can begin to focus on the presumptive candidate, Willard Mitt Romney. Ann and Mitt have a long road ahead of them, but luckily, they have a staff to carry them along.
